“Burnout” has been thoroughly dissected for decades as a malady that’s especially prevalent in the workplace. It can be described as a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress and being overworked.
But does the term truly capture the root of the problem? What if what you’re feeling isn’t burnout at all? Why do we have to say that it’s burnout when, in reality, it’s just that we have stopped living fully?
Losing wholeness, not just energy
Burnout isn’t just about being overworked and overstressed. It happens when you stop looking at yourself as a whole person. We often become robotic and focus solely on tasks—the rinse-and-repeat of what we have to do—instead of focusing on our purpose, our passion, and why we’re doing something that is meaningful to us. We go into auto-mode or survival mode. The pandemic illustrated the latter tendency; when life as we knew it shut down, people were so task-oriented and self-limiting that there was little or no passion in living our daily lives.
Burnout is the loss of personal identity and vision for our lives due to putting an overemphasis on responsibilities. If left unaddressed, the long-range effect is emptiness. Many people look back with regret, bemoaning they didn’t accomplish as much as they thought they could have, and saying, “I could have, would have.” But the reason they didn’t spread their wings and fully pursue their dreams and goals was because they got bogged down in rinse-and-repeat. In the process, they let go of their identity and their vision and never rediscovered either.
My turning point—an empty nester learning to live fully
Burnout doesn’t happen only in the workplace. You could be burnt out as a parent. What happens is you’ve let the other pieces of you die because you’re not making them a consistent part of your life anymore.
My experience transitioning to an empty nester exemplifies rediscovering identity, energy, and vision. It brought profound revelations about the essential elements of living fully.
Packing up my child for college entailed a mixed bag of pride, grief, and uncertainty. It was a psychological shift that forced me to reexamine my purpose. A person who had taken up over 40% of my time was no longer going to be there on a daily basis. The energy I gave in this parental role was no longer needed. Now, I had to figure out how to fill this space. What is my passion? What is my purpose?
I realized how much of my identity had been shaped by my role as a mother. But now I had to ask myself, “Who am I now?” That question prompted a deeper self-reflection about the layers of identity I had set aside. That internal investigation triggered an unexpected burst of energy. Once I stopped directing so much outward emotional and logistical energy, I was able to rediscover parts of myself—the creativity, spontaneity, joy, and adventurous spirit.
I bought a Z4 and started riding motorcycles. I began engaging in travel for the sake of leisure rather than duty. This was opposed to merely “taking trips,” which are structured, agenda-filled, and often performative or externally motivated. Adventures are spontaneous, present, and soul-filling. I joined a local art class, and carved out sacred time for myself in the mornings, which I called “joy rituals.”
When the noise of daily motherhood quieted, I heard my own voice again.
Reframe the concept of burnout and redefine yourself
Many people fall into the trap of defining themselves in rigid terms—job title, parent, or a series of obligations. But we are all much more, and living our life fully and striving toward our potential requires that we see ourselves as much more than traditional role players.
Aristotle’s philosophy was that human flourishing, or Eudaimonia, is achieved through living in accordance with one’s true nature and realizing one’s highest potential. That means aligning our actions with purpose and values. His philosophy emphasizes that true happiness and fulfillment come from living a virtuous life and engaging in activities that are personally expressive and meaningful.
One powerful way to reframe your identity and renew your energy is to redefine yourself, but using only three words and you can’t mention your job, marital status, or children. For example, my three are “visionary, teacher, joy seeker.”
Give yourself more adventures in life, even if it’s metaphorical; during the course of a day or week, allow yourself free time to really be free to explore and pursue your joys. I encourage you to plan for happiness and celebration just as intentionally as you plan for work, a concept most people don’t consider.
Remember that burnout isn’t just tiredness, it’s a warning sign that you’ve stopped feeding essential parts of yourself. You’re not burned out, you’re under-lived. Don’t wait for major life changes (like kids leaving home) to rediscover yourself.